I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize