when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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