I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
