This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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