The best revenge is premature balding
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
