I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sarcasm needs its own font
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
