College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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