I didn't shave. On purpose
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
that may or may not have been my penis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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