I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize