ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
