epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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