Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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