i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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