New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
