It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
