her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
