It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize