He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
