I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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