Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
