Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
