okay pat passed out under dana's car
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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