you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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