How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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