Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
