I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
