google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
