if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
