Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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