Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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