You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
