yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
