hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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