I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
