um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
