He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
