I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
