i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
