how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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