I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
farters have to be the big spoon...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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