Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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