My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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