Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
