This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
