Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
