dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Send help, water and tortillas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
