I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
