so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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