Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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