yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize