Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
