Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
