Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
