what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize