I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize