i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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