if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
