Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
