I just made out with a guy for $7.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
