We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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