I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize