I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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