3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Green mimosas i think yes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
