When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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