i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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