oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
