I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
