I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize