My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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