i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
