He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
