I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Terrible idea I love it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
