it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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