My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
