I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
