took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
