while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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