His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize