fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
