I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
