Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
