community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
