Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
