Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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