Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
