Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
