I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
