Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
