Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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