He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
