At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
