Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
