so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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