Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
