We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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