Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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