My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
