there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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